To be or not to be, That is the question.

I have a friend who died recently. Did she accidentally overdose again? Did she die of natural causes?

They say killing yourself is the easy way out, obviously they have never thought about it.  The people that have, said that suicide is the hardest thing to do. That it takes courage to do hurt yourself in that way. I can see how life could be so hard and so very overwhelming that all you want to have is peace.

A month before she died, she gave me something very precious to her. Three days before she died she came over drunk and was extremely emotional. I can't count how many times she told me she loved me and my kids that night. I had just filmed a very emotional and physical scene and could barely stay awake. I really wish I had sat with her longer.  She was so sad that we were moving and would miss us terribly. Her best friend died not six months ago and now she felt she didn't have anyone.

This woman had such a hard and terrible life. Most people would have turned a blind eye to her but I embraced how sweet and loving she was. Who cared if she needed a few teeth? Who cared if her clothes were 3 times too big or her hair was a little poof ball around a sweet and wrinkled face. She just had her teeth fixed and got new eye glasses. She was trying to change but circumstances kept bringing her back.

She could tell me anything and I would never ever judge her or anyone else.

The night before she died she called me. I DIDN'T CALL HER BACK.  Four days later I went home and I asked her uncle how she was. He said she died. Died? She just called me the other day for gods sake.
 I cried for the life SHE SHOULD HAVE HAD, I cried for the son she had lost and I cried for all of us who would miss out on a woman/child who would change your life. I ignored the signs. I could be wrong, but I think she said goodbye that night.

We will miss you...

Do not get me wrong, I don't blame myself for not realizing (if that's what happened) but i wish I had just the same. I'm not sure sure exactly what her diagnosis was but truly, if someone wants to kill themselves they will. There is not much you can do but try and keep trying to get thru to them. Bug them, Call them everyday and if you are truly scared about them...Take them to the E.R.  Parents have to know that teenage angst could be more than that. Kids are now showing signs of depression in ELEMENTARY school.....Do anything you have to to keep them safe.

Here are some signs... excerpts from WebMD...

Warning signs that someone may be thinking about or planning to commit suicide include:
  • Always talking or thinking about death
  • Clinical depression -- deep sadness, loss of interest, trouble sleeping and eating -- that gets worse
  • Having a "death wish," tempting fate by taking risks that could lead to death such as driving fast or running red lights
  • Losing interest in things one used to care about
  • Making comments about being hopeless, helpless, or worthless
  • Putting affairs in order, tying up loose ends, changing a will
  • Saying things like "it would be better if I wasn't here" or "I want out"
  • Sudden, unexpected switch from being very sad to being very calm or appearing to be happy
  • Talking about suicide or killing one's self
  • Visiting or calling people to say goodbye
  • giving precious things away....
Be especially concerned if a person is exhibiting any of these warning signs and has attempted suicide in the past. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, between 20% and 50% of people who commit suicide have had a previous attempt.
Do not hesitate to call your local suicide hotline 

immediately. Call 800-SUICIDE (800-784-2433) or 800-273-

TALK (800-273-8255) -- or the deaf hotline at 800-799-4889.


Hope, that's so sad. Life can be so beautiful one day, so painful the next. I just wish there was some way to help your friends always hold onto the beauty.
Hope said…
We listen...When someone says to you that they want to hurt themselves. They mean it. We talk to them, and do what we can. That's all we can do, is be there for them...
Alex T. said…
Hope, I'm sorry that you had to go through this. These are terribly hard times for many of us. You could not be more correct about support system maintenance. It is the MOST important thing to people in mental and emotional distress. Peace.
amber gilbert said…
dam that made me cry. makes me think of patrick... rip patrick and mary.. may u never suffer again

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